Vacation Time: Batsgiving?

Our hero is well known to have a beef with Batman.  Sadly, in retrospect, she thinks he was a better boss than Darth Salinious.

Our hero is well known to have a beef with Batman. Sadly, in retrospect, she thinks he was a better boss than Darth Salinious.

So what the @#$% is happening here, right? Is this just another reason to punch Batman in the face?

Answer: No.

Last week, all of DC’s comics had a two page teaser image in the back. That teaser said “Happy Batsgiving,” and the art was the pic seen below:

I found this image bewildering.  Why would you invite half of those people?  They beat up the other half of the guest list regularly.

I found this image bewildering. Why would you invite half of those people? They beat up the other half of the guest list regularly.

Apparently, this was supposed to be some sort of teaser for the events in the upcoming “Batman: Eternal” plotline. The Hollywood Reporter ran an article on it, which said this:

“The image was shared on Twitter by Batman writer Scott Snyder ahead of its appearance in this week’s DC superhero titles, with the publisher later telling fans that the picture is “chock-full of Easter eggs and teases as to what’s to come” in the weekly title celebrating the character’s 75th anniversary.”

Yeah…I’m skeptical about that. In the comic book store, we had loads of questions:

1. Why is Jim Gordon wearing handcuffs?
2. Is that an engagement ring or lens flare, Batwoman?
3. Why are there at least five human skeletons in the foreground.
4. Batwing has like 3 ears of corn, for all those people. Really, bro?
5. Who’s that random person in the hoodie? You couldn’t dress in uniform like everyone else?
6. What’s on fire behind Batman, and why does no one notice? It looks kind of extreme.
7. What the hell is Batman doing to that turkey?

Really, dude?  He beats up clowns and investigates crime scenes with those gloves.  Give my portion to Batwing, Alfred.

Really, dude? He beats up clowns and investigates crime scenes with those gloves. Give my portion to Batwing, Alfred.

A TINY amount of internet research brings us to the artwork that it was based on:

Apparently, rubbing the turkey is a hundreds of years old tradition.  Who knew?

Apparently, rubbing the turkey is a hundreds of years old tradition. Who knew?

Given the crazy similarity here, I just don’t see how “full of Easter Eggs” the image can be. Regardless, the internet has lost its collective mind micro-analyzing the Batsgiving image, as any Google search will tell you.

Batman has a pretty long history with Thanksgiving, and political incorrectness, which is why I drew him in a more old-school, 1950’s era iteration of his batsuit. What? Batman not all that PC in the fifties?

Check this cover:

That's a white guy, in the past, preparing to darken his skin to go spy on native American Tribesmen.  Batman knows him because he has a time machine.

That’s a white guy, in the past, preparing to darken his skin to go spy on native American Tribesmen. Batman knows him because he has a time machine.

Oh yeah. In the fifties, Batman had a time machine, that he never uses to solve crimes. Or prevent them. You know, a machine he could use to save his parents from that gunman. Just saying.

However, Batman apparently never got any memo about brotherhood and equality, which is why a 1954 story in Detective Comics #205 found the Dark Knight traveling back in time to drop the hammer on Gotham City’s indigenous population in the name of Bat-Imperialism and discovering “The Origin of the Bat-Cave!”

Seriously, you’d think that when Batman heard the words “time machine,” the first thing he would do is head to Crime Alley circa 20 years ago and start just going sickhouse all over Joe Chill. At the very least, you’d think he’d be using it to keep crimes from happening in the present, but no. He mostly uses it for… well, for going back to Ye Olde Gotham City and punching out the past, one stereotype at a time. Which is exactly what happens here:

Yes, Batman sees two Native Americans — — chasing down a white dude and immediately decides it’s time for a history-altering punch in the face.

Yes, Batman sees two Native Americans — — chasing down a white dude and immediately decides it’s time for a history-altering punch in the face.

For the record, the first thing that Batman and Robin do when they get to 1654 is to change into their costumes, presumably because their regular modern-day clothes were too conspicuous. What? Who are we to doubt the Darknight Detective’s impeccable logic? A Batsuit must be like a stealth operation in the world of the 1600’s. Heck, Shakespeare apparently loved his Batsuit.

It’s worth noting that back at the dawn of the Silver Age, during the infamous “Sci-Fi Batman” years of the ’50s, Batman ended up fighting against Native Americans a lot. So often that when I decided I wanted to write about about this particular story, I found three other comics about Batman getting his “Custer on” before I hit the right one. I imagine it has a lot to do with the popularity of Westerns in the era, but it was one of the go-to plot devices for writers in the ’50s.

It begs the question: Why is Bruce the Indian Chief in the Batsgiving image, if he used to use a time machine so much to beat them up?

Moving away from casual fifties era racism in comics, what’s happening across town, at Marvel/Disney? What are their characters thankful for at this time of year? A simple web search provides insight into that, featuring teacher and headmaster at the Jean Grey School for Gifted Youngsters, the Wolverine:

Wolverine appears to be at a charter school, or perhaps a merit pay system.

Wolverine appears to be at a charter school, or perhaps a merit pay system.

How did Wolverine get a teaching credential, by the way? It’s unclear if he even has a high school diploma, because he certainly never took any classes at the Xavier’s School. Spent all his time in the Danger Room, or leering at Storm. Forget that he seems to have an Admin Credential to boot…

After my harsh criticisms of the Batsgiving, I decided to do something slightly more kind for the holiday, as the “B” image for this post. Set outside the Fortress of Togetherness, it has the new Pony, Fluttershy, thinking about having a home, and worries about Tony Stark drinking too much, and a statement of thanks. It even shows a turkey. turkeys, by the way, should have been the dominant species on the planet, but they were just too delicious for that to happen.

Sigh.  Heartwarming.

Sigh. Heartwarming.

So, from those of us in the Fortress of Togetherness, we hope you enjoyed our sarcastic history lesson (thanks to Comics Alliance for graphics!), and we hope that all our faithful readers have a nice day. It has been our biggest month ever at Tales of Adequacy, and if there’s something to be thankful for, it’s the opportunity to amuse all you True Believers with our day to day follies and struggles, in superhero form.

So…thanks to you.

Excelsior!

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