And There Shall Be…A Lobster King!

Now that's Lobstertainment!

Now that’s Lobstertainment!

It has been a long time since I took a cheap shot at Aquaman.

I especially like the idea of his reign over Atlantis being overthrown by Lobsters. Just taking matters into their own claws, and kicking out an absentee ruler. They seem pretty angry. And why not? How many crises does Aquaman literally hand deliver to Atlantis? Crappy @#$ foreign policy with the Surface World, bro.

It’s not like he’s Namor, constantly invading to make all of these enemies either. He’s bland. Perhaps the lobster King and his Delicious Minions are concerned about his blandness. They don’t just want to be prepared with butter any longer, they want some sort of Cajun preparation? See, already I have a more interesting plotline than the “Underwater Game of Thrones” DC keeps trying to send my way.

I’ve been reading a phone book sized reprint of the Superfriends, from the late 70’s early 80’s. It’s adapted from the cartoon, and even trying to make Aquaman look cool in that context is hard. We are really looking at a soft target audience here, the adaptation of a Saturday morning Cartoon. Still…unless it is happening underwater, Aquaman is NOT your “go to” guy. Seriously, the number of times he is simply outclassed by Zan and Jayna is almost depressing.

I’m thinking that the Superfriends must have drawn straws of screen, to see who had to team up with him. Short straw…you get stuck with Aquaman.

However, DC’s New 52 seems to think otherwise. Not only has DC managed to keep an Aquaman comic on the stands for the better part of three years…now DC is publishing a second Aquaman series that spins out of the current book. With Aquman now a legitimate franchise, it’s surely only a matter of time until we get Ultimate Aquaman, The Superior Aquaman, Aquaman Unchained, and Atlantean Babies. The full X-Men treatment, True Believers.

No one is more amazed than I am at this. Seriously, Aquaman is one of the LEAST favorite characters that I see in comics. I dig the straight up cheesiness of his orange scaly shirt, and the absurdity of talkming to fish as a superpower. As a “serious continuity, New 52 superstar franchise” I just cannot get on board.

Until Geoff Johns gets him on task making tuna fish sandwiches for the Justice League…where he belongs…I am going to have to continue to periodically mock the “all new, all gritty” Aquaman.

Next Issue: Everybody Remember Where We Parked!


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