Left Shark… you are the Right Shark For ME.

That @#$% Aquaman. Lazy on the job, as usual. Who suffers for it…? Left Shark.

That @#$% Aquaman. Lazy on the job, as usual. Who suffers for it…? Left Shark.

Oh Left Shark, you entered our hearts during the Super Bowl with your… actually, I’m not sure what was going on during that dance routine. But, people love you and now Google has hidden you in its Google I/O page. In addition to the Google I/O page housing a Chrome experiment that makes music, you can also hop into the developer console and relive your favorite Super Bowl halftime moment in ASCII art. Really.

Once you’ve launched the music experiment, just fire up the developer console and type “experiment.consoleDance()”, hit return and bam, shark dancing. I might be possible that we have hit PEAK Left Shark.

I didn’t watch the Super Bowl, so I did not see Left Shark live. A few days later, my friend virtually forced me to watch the halftime show after painting my nails, and now, I am a Katy Perry fan. She comes in riding a Voltron Lion, has Dancing Sharks, and flies around the stadium on a star. What is not to be a fan of, I ask you?

Days later, I Googled “Left Shark.” Apparently, the internet had a new craze. Also…I had not taken a cheap shot at Aquaman for a while…a match made in creative heaven was born. It did not take long at all for me to compose and draw the art above. As I drew it, the drama of Left Shark continued.

If you aren’t familiar with Left Shark’s rise to fame, the performer in the shark suit on the Super Bowl stage to the left of Katy Perry gained notoriety on the Internet due to confusion of the choreographed dance moves. While the performer on the right has the dance moves down perfectly, the performer on the left made a valiant, yet comical attempt to keep up.

Now, Left Shark is the darling of the Internet, and a rapidly building meme. Katy Perry’s lawyers have in fact send out Cease and Desist letters about “Left Shark” merchandise. I get that, to a degree. Even if unintentional, Left Shark is her hit creation, and I can see where she would want to have maximum access to it, for say…Left Shark jewelry at Claire’s. It’s actually not that evil and litigious, at the heart of it.

Still…the Internet lost it’s collective mind, and Left Shark continues to have his fifteen minutes of fame. I like Left Shark a whole lot because he clearly was trying so hard, and is so @#$% adorable. Left Shark has captured my heart.

Katy Perry and Left Shark at the Super Bowl.  Yay!

Katy Perry and Left Shark at the Super Bowl. Yay!

Aquaman…not so much. That guy’s a bum.

You would think that I would have let it go, like the “Frozen” girl, with Aquaman…but no. Not so much. Aquaman is like the Assistant Principal or Out of Office Staff of Superheroes. He’s supposed to be key, and have really important jobs…but really, he’s not all that effective. You want to know how ineffective he is at being Aquaman…?

This post was initially going to be about HIM. Left Shark was way more interesting….and Aquaman got pushed aside. Aquaman complains about this kind of thing, too. “Hey, I do more than swim and talk to fish!” Stuff like that. For all the whining, no one really goes out of their way to get Aquaman on a super problem. You go way over his head, to like, Superman.

Example…an ocean liner is going to sink. Aquaman’s thing, right? People are surprised when he shows up….but you actually CALL Superman or Wonder Woman. They have nothing to do the the @#$% sea, but you know that they will get it done. Even if they have to farm it out to Green Lantern.

This is a whole lot like out of classroom staff. They want the respect that their position seems to suggest that they get, but are pretty reluctant to go the extra mile to get it. Today, I had several such interactions…”Can I get this report?”

Answer: “Nope, not my job, but would you like to teach Saturday school?”

“Hey…this kid is truant all the time. You’re an attendance specialist. Look into it?”

Answer: “Nope…not really my job. I only look into Full Day Truancies. Maybe you can ask an AP.”

Phone calls to APs create eternal phone ringing cycles on the other end. Evntually, it comes down that somehow we should investigate and enforce on period by period on campus truancy.

This rigamarole goes on and on. Like Aquaman teaching Left Shark to dance. It might not actually be his job…but he COULD do it. The fact is that he doesn’t. That “extra mile” mentality would really make his whole presentation go over better. If Aquaman taught Left Shark to dance, even if it wasn’t exactly his job, you’d feel a whole lot better when you called him for help and he couldn’t do something, because it was just too huge.

“Hey Aquaman…wanna help out with the Alien Invasion Force?”

Aquaman: “Not really…it’s kind of not underwater…? And, you know I have to be in water every sixty minutes.”

“Well, we could have Batman carry like, a spray bottle or a mister of some kind…”

Aquaman: “Yeah…that never goes so well. Sorry.”

“No sweat, Aquaman…you taught left Shark to dance.”

See? That would work. That would make you forgive the other stuff. That’s a strategy that not only Aquaman, but a whole lot of non-teachers at schools need to adopt. I honestly don’t care if it is your job or not to keep kids from fighting…you do it. If you are afraid, or too small, or whatever…do something else that helps everybody, especially the kids.

What you shouldn’t do is hide out in your office all day, hiding from responsibility or tasks behind a title and some paperwork. We have far too many of these “unicorns” as some staff have come to call them. Have you ever seen a unicorn?

No, you haven’t. Just like many people claim to never see our out of classroom staff. It’s a big problem, and affects the campus to a huge degree. It’s a whole lot like never seeing Aquaman do anything useful.

Look at that. We went from Left Shark, to Aquaman, to a Heavy Handed Metaphor. Good Times, Gentle Readers.

Next Issue: Valentine’s Day…Valentine’s DOOM!


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